I really, really like this quote:

"The most powerful drive in the ascent of man is his pleasure in his own skill. He loves to do waht he does well, and having done it well, he loves to do it better. You see it in his science. You see it in the magnificence with which he carves and builds, the loving care, the gaiety, the effrontery. The monuments are supposed to commemorate kings and religions, heroes, dogmas, but in the end the man they commemorate is the builder."
-Jacob Bronowski

By the way, apparently Coldplay's song, "Lost!" has a version where Jay-Z raps on it. I'm not going to lie, it's pretty awesome.

a love letter skillfully crafted

It really wasn't that long ago that Christ chose to reveal himself to me. December 31, 2001 to be exact. I guess in some circles that would entail a "birthday" coming up. I typically veer away from the title, mostly because a birthday absent of cake or gifts has a depressing ring to it. December 31st awakened me and quickly thrust me into a love for God and a love for anything bearing the name of God. I inundated myself in Christian subculture; the bracelets, the horrible movies, the mediocre music, (thankfully not the t-shirts). I may not have been Ned Flanders, but I was a distant cousin. Wrapped up in the youthful zeal of my faith was a lot of ignorance. A lot.

I used to think hymns were outdated expressions of worship that probably displeased God. What God enjoyed was the new worship music, the ones with simpler, more heart-felt lyrics. The ones with better (and louder) melodies, not that stuff with an old muffled organ and wordy words I had never even heard of. Spontenaity was the purest and most powerful expressions of the heart.

I couldn't be further from that confession than I am now.

Imagine a man's response when he first hears that his wife and children have been taken captive by the enemy and slaughtered. He throws himself to the ground, cries out in tormet, rips his clothes, and rubs his head in ashes, until his energy ebbs into a pitiable, "No, no, no." Here is utter spontaneity, utterly real emotion, no studied design, no conscious constraints.

But picture this man a week later, when the services are over and the friends have departed, and he is alone with the weight of his loss. The excruciating pain of the first blast is gone, and now there is the throb and ache of an amputated soul. What does he do to express this deep and settling grief? Between the periodic heaving sobs he reaches for a form and begins to make his lamentation. Studied, crafted, pondered, full of power. When the time comes, he will read or recite this lamentation. But no one will say of this formed grief: "It is canned." On the contrary, it will strike deeper than the sobs. It will show more of what he has brought up from the depths. (John Piper)

Here's an old hymn that has got my heart lately:

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

There is legitimacy in spontenaiety and there is beauty in craft. Don't remain with the ignorance of your youth. Dig deep. Find that which lies behind every desire and every confession of your soul. It may take some work. It may arouse some hidden pain. The beauty you discover will be far exceeding.

May you live the deepest life possible.

neither here nor there then where

I've got to be honest here for a moment. There are a few things I need to get out there, but I hope it doesn't make you think any less of me. I guess you could say I am one of those guys who's vulnerability is reserved for a few. I like to have it all together, have all the answers, and of course, tell you them all as well. I can't put my finger on it, but tonight, something tells me you deserve more than my shallow depth.

I feel somewhat stuck in the middle. Neither here nor there. I've graduated Southeastern, I've started a Masters degree that I'll finish in April, and then where...what...who...? Things seem to be at a standstill now, and yet moving so fast at the same time. I probably sound crazy, I'm trying really hard to explain it. I feel like I should be doing so much to prepare for my future, for this grand mystery that exists somewhere five months from now.

I'm not having much luck communicating tonight. I guess this is all that needs to be said for now. I leave you with this,

"Do not lose hold of your dreams or aspirations. For if you do, you may still exist but you have ceased to live." -Henry David Throeau

shortsighted

Here's a quote I read tonight. I initially had some thoughts about it...

The inherent vice of capitalism is the uneven division of blessings, while the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal division of misery.
- Sir Winston Churchill

The root of "uneven division of blessings" is not the vice of capitalism, but the outworkings of human nature as clearly revealed in a free market environment. Some would suggest that opportunity is unequally distributed in America. If that is to be said of our citizens, how do we reconcile the fact that every day, people cross our borders with the clothes on their backs and the pennies in their pockets, only to rise as perpetual testaments to the American dream. To be honest, I have a hard time believing that there is true poverty in america when a vast majority of our lowest income bracket carries cell phones and drives their own cars. Could it be not so much a lack of opportunity as it is a paralyzing sense of entitlement, or sheer laziness, or a harmful misappropriation of priorities, if not all of the above? I hope that I don't sound cold hearted. I do bear compassion towards the socially unfortunate, but most of my compassion is not towards their financial situation. It's towards their inability to stand freely on their own two feet. Government granting more "opportunity" won't make the difference, and likewise, neither has money the capacity heal judgments, cultivate discipline, or realign priority. The answer is not a change in government or in market structure, it's an empowered church who is healing and restoring minds and hearts that can stand on their own two feet again, if not for the first time ever. Minds and hearts that are free to grab onto and hold onto the opportunities that have been before them all along.

perspective for the zealots

When it comes to upholding and advancing the values and the economy of Christ's kingdom, the government is not responsible. And maybe they have done such a poor job at it historically because it isn't in their job description; and it shouldn't be. I would contend that the Church who sees their role as one who pickets, protests, and legislates, is the Church with great unawareness over their own soul's disconnect from the heart of God.

It's time fingerpointing and voter booths stop affirming our apathy and inaction. It's time a group of nobodys get together again and change the world.

Knowing

There is so much I want to say right now. I've been staring at a blank screen for almost 30 minutes, sorting through my mind and trying to find some cohesion of thought that would make any degree of sense. Self-understanding can be a difficult feat. Ironic how much self-consciousness and how little self-awareness can coexist.

Well, I am officially three weeks into my Masters program at UF, and (in a very small nutshell) here is what I've learned:

1. Sandals don't go well with a campus the size of Disney World.
2. The city bus is the most silent experience, second only to elevators.
3. Homeless guys deserve cigarettes too.
4. Anywhere from 4-9 hours of homework a day is normal.
5. Although I didn't realize it at the time, Southeastern is an insanely thick bubble.
6. Being salt and light is a much more difficult and messy task than I ever imagined.
7. Solomon was right. Nothing under the sun will satisfy. Get over the sun.
8. Grace means God loves you right now. Not some future you who finally gets it right.
9. I love my friends. A lot.
10. I need to update my blog more than once a month.

Marco...Polo...

I'm finding myself at a place I haven't been for a while. Probably longer than you'd guess.

I didn't ask for it.

I'm not complaining either...

Not in the least bit.

I'd like to think that all good ideas are the right ideas. But, then again, who really knows at this point? I'd like to know.


I am officially a Gainesville resident for the next 10 months! I guess it could be longer, but at this point I'm digging my feet in deep and preparing for a unbelievable year. A lot of unknowns...sure. A little nervousness...yes. But, my expectations far exceed both. I don't know what's in store for me, and conjecture won't take me too far...but, never hurts to dream does it?

How I spent Day 1:
1) Cup of coffee...wasn't Starbucks...why did I bother?
2) Apartment pool
3) 9 mile bike ride
4) Publix
5) Gator's Dockside
6) Get Smart...a B movie for sure, but worth a few good laughs.
____________________________________________________________________

"Do not lose hold of your dreams or aspirations. For if you do, you may still exist but you have ceased to live." -Henry David Thoreau

Seeing the Soul

So, I've got a proposal for you.

On your pursuit of holiness, stop asking the question, "Is it right or is it wrong?" Instead, ask yourself, "Does this stir my affection for Jesus, or does it rob me of my affection for Jesus?"

You see, I think we've become really good managers of the flesh. I believe that we mean well, but our misguided pursuit of morality has caused us to simply reconfigure the same junk, address the symptoms, and find ourselves perpetually frustrated over our failure to break the cycle.

What might life with Christ look like if we stopped studying our rulebooks, decided to wake up, and payed earnest attention to our souls? God didn't die so that you could become a moral person. He died so that you might have life. Even the rich young ruler, who had never broken the law, still found himself lacking.

So, let's put away checklists and the cultural norms we so often mindlessly adhere to, and let us take seriously the call not to manage the flesh, but to pursue Christ.

Not "Is it right or is it wrong?" But, from a much deeper place, "Does this stir my affection for Jesus or does it rob me of my affection for Jesus?"

I Was Deleted??

So apparently my previous account on blogspot was deleted.

Here's to a fresh start...

Nothing in My Hands I Bring

So there is this passage in Matthew where Jesus is sitting on a hill and teaching a bunch of people. The people were naturally intrigued by him, after all, he had just gone throughout Galilee healing person after person. He was no ordinary rabbi and his messaged sounded very, very different from the rabbis who had walked before him. After the men saved their families a seat at the foot of the hill and the women pulled the children away from skipping rocks, Jesus introduced his teaching with these words:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Poor in spirit? Weak. Empty. Helpless. Hopeless in and of themselves. These are the characteristics of those who inherit the kingdom of heaven. He who walks as such will be counted blessed. Huh? I thought it was the strong, the mighty, the one who had the most willpower, the one who continually "did better," the one who pulled himself up by his bootstraps and cleaned himself up. I thought those were the blessed ones. I thought it was these who would inherit the kingdom of heaven, even though I never found myself among them. Yeah, these words sounded very different. Almost backwards. As if, whatever you thought to be true about life, even a life of faith, reverse it, and that is the way of Christ.

I am a little uncomfortable with this message because I've got this residing thought in my mind that I've got to prove myself to others. God gave me grace in the beginning to get me on my feet and get me started, but eventually I muster up the willpower to live right and do better. After all, don't I have to prove to God that I'm a big boy now? "Jesus, look at what I can do."

No, it is those who live weak, empty, helpless, and hopeless in and of themselves that live blessed. It is these who find the great reward. It is these who inherit his kingdom.

Spiritual maturity is not a graduation from grace.